You're Kidding
by Error 404 - Talent Not Found
Summary: This was a crackfic turned dark by my muse. Basically, Radarr is human and a child and well...not...you know...


**You're What?!  
**

Written By: Error 404 - Talent Not Found

Dedicated to Nerd Corps

Chapter 1: What. Just...What?!

Chapter dedicated to Radarr and Aerrow as I am truly screwing with them

* * *

So I have no idea where this came from, but I wrote it. This originally started as a humour fic, I labelled the documents as "Sheer. Utter. Crack." when I started, but as my muse has reasserted power once again, it's looking like this is going to be an angst. Hmm...

This is **not** supposed to be Radarr/Aerrow, but given the nature of their relationship in canon, it's going to be hard to not see a pairing, but interpret it however you like.

Why is Radarr like this? Because I how incredibly awkward that makes things.

Let's get on with the strange train wreck that I've been writing.

Enjoy!

* * *

It was just after dawn when Aerrow woke. The sky was still dark at its edges, fading to an orange-y blue. Stretching slightly, he got up. After his usual hygiene routine, he returned to his room to wake Radarr and grab his gear to go to the training room.

When he arrived at his room though, he noticed that Radarr wasn't there. Perplexed, Aerrow quietly padded around the Condor, looking for his friend. In the kitchen, the fridge was open and there was an audible clattering as its contents were moved around. Radarr was blocked from view. Relieved at his friend's safety, he headed off to the training room.

An hour later, and after a much needed shower, Aerrow returned to the kitchen to get himself some breakfast.

There was a girl sitting in the room.

Immediately his energy blades were out and glowing.

"Who are you?"

Then, registering the sight before him, his stance faltered and his arms were lowered slightly.

The four year old looked at him with an amused, pointed expression. Her pale blue hair fell in her eyes, which slid from Aerrow's visage and upward as she blew the offending wisps out of her face.

"Not even a good morning? That's not like you~" she sang, "who do you _think_ I am?" another puff of air.

The girl was crouching on the chair, a half-eaten banana in one hand. She was wearing one of his uniform shirts, oddly over-sized on her, and a pair of Piper's shorts. A leather pouch that had the Storm Hawks emblem pinned to it hung from her waist. Familiar...

"I have no idea who you are."

As it was now later in the morning, the remaining members of the team had also begun to wake, so Aerrow was joined at the door by Piper.

"Morning Aerrow, what's wro-" she noticed the girl in the kitchen.

"Morning Piper," the intruder said, taking another bite of her banana.

"Who are you?"

"Who do you think?" she said again, finishing her banana and throwing the peel in the bin with accuracy.

"We've never seen you before," Piper said, bemused.

"Funny. We've known each other a long time, right Aerrow?"

"Look, I have no idea who you are," he said, mildly irritated.

The girl rolled her eyes and jumped off the chair.

"What do you want?"

The girl, however, simply shouted, "Finn! Junko! Stork! Get to the kitchen!"

They arrived with the mild grumbling of Finn about the time of day. When all five members had crammed themselves around the door, she said, "sit," and gestured at the table.

The others were confused.

Weapons were slowly lowered and eyes were narrowed as the five sat at the little wooden table in the kitchen. The girl crouched on the remaining seat.

"Now, tell us who you are and what's going on."

"Why don't you...find out where Radarr is?" it was a suggestion. Come to think of it, where _was_ Radarr? She- No. That thought was ludicrous. No way. That's not possible. No. So instead:

"What did you do with him?"

"Really?" She was bordering on incredulity. She mentally face-palmed; she loved him, but seriously, he could be _incredibly_ dense sometimes.

Confused looks all around.

"For the love of- _I'm_ Radarr!"

There was silence and then Finn burst out laughing. "What?! No way! You're joking, man!"

Her face turned stoic, "I'm serious." Apparently she had overestimated their analytical skills.

That didn't shut him up.

"You know, whoever sent you must not have done their homework," Aerrow looked offended, "if you were looking to infiltrate us, you picked the wrong member to impersonate."

This time, she really did face-palm. "Forget it. The one time you can actually understand what I'm saying, you invalidate everything."

"Dude," Finn said in a deadpan after recovering from his laughter, "you're a _chick_."

"Yeah, I'm Radarr and Radarr is _female_. Did I really have to refer to myself in the third person for you to understand that?"

More laughter from Finn, "no way."

"Yes way," her voice was sure and mildly condescending, like he was a child...and in some respects, maybe he was.

Junko piped up, "but, Radarr isn't you know a...person..."

"Then what was I? A pet?" offended, "Look. If I really wanted to hurt you, why would I bring all of you here?"

"Maybe you're a distraction," Stork's eye twitched as he said it.

"Oh," she said blinking once, "didn't think of that one."

That _was_ what it might've looked like.

"Yeah, I'm going to go back to the helm so at least _one_ of us can defend the Condor against the inevitable onslaught of attacks and save us from a horribly slow and torturous death...while you sort out what's going on with her..." He left the room.

"Look," Aerrow cut in, "I think I know my best friend."

Piper had stayed relatively quiet throughout the exchange, trying to figure and straighten everything out. She stood up and then left the room. When she returned, she was holding a hypnosis crystal.

"Okay, if that's what it takes," the stranger said.

"I'm telling you, I know my best friend." Aerrow was strangely upset.

Piper ignored him and instead focused on using the crystal on the girl.

"You will tell us the whole and unbroken truth. Who are you and why have you come here? How did you get into the Condor?"

Stork had returned to the room.

When her eyes had faded back to brown, she took a deep breath and began speaking to Aerrow, "I am Radarr. I do not know why I am human. I have always been a part of the Storm Hawks. I have been Aerrow's companion since he was three."

And it went on in that fashion until the hypnosis wore off. She crouched on her chair.

"Sooo, do you believe me now?"

Finn, "okay, this is messed up."

Junko, "but Radarr...? You _are_ Radarr!"

"Chirp, chirp, keerat, squawk, whoop-dee-doo," expressionless sarcasm.

Piper, however, seemed to have already come to terms with the concept, she nodded.

Stork didn't even give context, he simply deadpanned, "mindworms," and left the room.

Aerrow however, surprisingly didn't say anything. Instead, he stood and left the Condor entirely, flying on his skimmer.

Radarr despaired at this, but Piper held her back. "He just needs to work it out."

The air was suddenly awkward. With Aerrow gone, they had no idea what they were going to do with her.

But Radarr had better plans, "teach me to write."

Piper was confused, "what?"

"Teach me to write. I'm getting used to having all five fingers, but I've never been able to write. I can read, but not write. Teach me to write. Please."

"Okay," she smiled.

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Review?


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